i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
