watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
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