They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
