I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
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