just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
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