enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Randomize
