I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Less talking, more tequila
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
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