The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
