No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
