I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
