I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Randomize
