i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
