this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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