i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Randomize
