i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Come share oat with me in your robe
When are your genitals available?
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
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