This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
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