i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
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