I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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