I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
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