Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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