there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
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