He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
