so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
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