I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
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