I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Randomize
