She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
Randomize
