I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
It's never too late to be topless.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Randomize
