woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Randomize
