it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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