her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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