Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
We got so high we made milksteak
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
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