my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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