i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Randomize
