I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Randomize
