I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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