I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Randomize
