So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Randomize
