dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
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