i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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