Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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