you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
