what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
I still have a little drunk in my system
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
