Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
