I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
