your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
Randomize
