is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
She even gives head with a lisp.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
She needs sedatives and a leash
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Randomize
