I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize
