I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
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