Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Randomize
