she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
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