I could have mohawked her pubes.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
