Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
