Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
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